You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
