Swine flu. Run for my life!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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