"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
