apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
