Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
