today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
