i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
