I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
