yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
