whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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