My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
