Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So much rum. So many feels.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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