Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
