in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i think im in europe. pls send help
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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