How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
