I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
