we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
