Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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