You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
