Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
