maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
