I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No subtext here. People are naked.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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