It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
