Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
