So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize