Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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