I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize