Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
