Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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