I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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