So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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