We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
