Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
this will be a night to untag.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
