She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
