She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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