come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
