babies were throwing up all over the place
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
