dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
