Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
