so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
