R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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