Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
