It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
