i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
