I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
