also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
