he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
