I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize