Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
