what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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