Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
