if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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