I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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