It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
