any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The air was thick with penises
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
