glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
