Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
