hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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