YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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