Moan for me like Helen Keller
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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