Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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